2020.02.25
Hypocrisy is probably the single human thing I hate the most. It’s fair to say that a significant portion of my comics are taking a shot at hypocrisy. And I think it’s particularly nefarious when trying to establish a position of authority.
Consider this simple sentence:
“Take out the trash.”
It’s bossy, commanding. And it’s not trying to hide it. Maybe it’s from a parent to their child who had promised to do it hours ago. Or it could be from one spouse to the other, and it is meant to be bossy for some reason. Now let’s try:
“Could you take out the trash?”
With “could” and a question mark, it’s a request. Replying with a negative isn’t necessarily conflictual. “Ah, I’m sorry I’m really tired from work today, would you mind doing it?” How about this one:
“Do you want to take out the trash?”
Now that’s a flavor of the same sentence who in my opinion isn’t any less bossy, but it’s trying to appear not to be. It’s not a real question, it’s a command disguised as a question. “Do you want a drink?”: that’s an actual question. I can easily answer with “No, thank you.”. But if I answer “No, thank you.” to the question above, now that’s conflictual. If I issue a command, an order, the least I can do is not to hide it under a layer of fake choice. Lastly:
“Let’s take out the trash.”
If the “us” in the “let us” is sincere, it’s sweet. It’s like “hey, taking out the trash is a chore, the cans are heavy, let’s do it together”. But if it’s uttered as “you take out the trash, I’ll just watch you to it”, I would argue it’s even more insidious than the “do you want to” flavor. I found this “let’s” expression to be quite prominent in the workplace, though obviously it’s not usually about trash. “Let’s finish this task.” It’s often obvious that the person saying this has zero intention of doing any of the work themselves. But maybe they want to give a fuzzy and false impression of team work. Or they feel mildly self-conscious about giving an order. But this is worse. If you give an order, at least have the courtesy to acknowledge that: “Please finish this task.” And if you feel bad, then you could try being less assertive, in a genuine way: “Could you please finish this task?” It’s still a request, but at least you’re not trying to pretend like you are going to do any of it yourself. If you phrase it as “let’s”, maybe don’t be surprised to hear as an answer: “Sure, let’s. You first.”